Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
