i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
