I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
