i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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