too bad you live with your parents still
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
