Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
