I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
