I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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