Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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