I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
