apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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