I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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