Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
