Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
