You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
