If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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