My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
