this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
