Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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