So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have already put on my inside pants.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
