shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
