We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
