the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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