she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
