I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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