Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
