You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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