when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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