She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
