Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
