you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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