i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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