careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
