I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
