Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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