Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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