Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
