I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
