please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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