i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
