Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
