I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
