I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
