someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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