Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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