I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I deserve this hangover.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
