Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
