i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
