if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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