he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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