i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
