Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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