Plan B is the new Plan A
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
