I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
