I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
