I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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