found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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