home. puking in laundry basket.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
