I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
