Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
